EPISODE 911: JESUS, MARY AND JASMINE
Also: It's all about the nail polish.
POP CULTURE SPIRIT WOW
Hi and welcome to Pop Culture Spirit Wow, the Substack that thus far has not been banned by the House, but not for a lack of trying.
It’s the middle of March in an election year, which means crazy people saying crazy things, widespread anxiety, and a Hollywood dominated by worms and pandas. No one wonder this is episode 911. Let’s get into it.
THE WOWND UP
This week the House passed a bill that would ban the social media app/addiction TikTok if it doesn’t break ties with the Chinese company that owns it, out of concerns that that company is passing along the information it learns about its users, including their current location, to the Chinese government. John Oliver had a very funny segment last night ridiculing Nancy Pelosi for saying “This is not an attempt to ban TikTok, it’s an attempt to make TikTok better. Tic-tac-toe, a winner.” Said Oliver, “I’m curious, is it a rule to be in Congress you have to be one of the weirdest motherfuckers ever?”
The crazy thing is, the concerns about TikTok are legitimate. Countries all over the world are banning its presence on the devices of government officials, and many cybersecurity experts agree, in its current state the app is bad news. And yet its users by and large don’t seem to care.
This may be the ranting of an Old, but how strange is it that we’ve reached a point where people are like, “Eh, it’s just my data”?
Meanwhile, I know I’m supposed to dismiss all the wacky conspiracy theories, but what exactly is going on with Princess Kate? She hasn’t been seen since Christmas Day, Kensington Palace just released a doctored photo of her with her kids for U.K. Mother’s Day, and then when they got caught completely threw Kate under the bus, issuing a statement from her saying she liked to play with Photoshop sometimes, and no one official will even acknowledge that any of this is weird.
Like, at this point, how can the Royal Family’s press flacks be so bad at this, he asks, while the Vatican’s press flacks struggle to explain what Pope Francis really meant when he said, of Ukraine, “When you see that you are defeated, that things are not going well, you have to have the courage to negotiate.”
Elsewhere, other people are losing their mind because actress Kristen Stewart dressed as a man on the cover of Rolling Stone and had her hand down her pants, despite that being a look undertaken by a thousand male musicians over the years.
CBS actually asked Late Show host Stephen Colbert not to show the photo when he had Stewart on last week. He did anyway, saying he couldn’t figure out what the big deal was. Said Stewart,
I think there’s a certain overt acknowledgment of female sexuality that has its own volition that is annoying for people that are sexist and homophobic [...] Female sexuality isn’t supposed to actually want anything but to be had, and that [cover] feels like it’s protruding in a way that might be annoying.
And, for those who didn’t understand what she was getting at, she added: “Fuck you.”
JESUS CHRIST, BABY DADDY
Modern Relics has a fun piece on AI paintings of Jesus appearing all over the internet. It appears to be some kind of widespread clickbait scam. People love their Jesuses.
I found one page on Facebook, “Jesus Life,” filled with images like this. But they were…unusual.
You might think it’s Jesus with the Virgin Mary. I mean, she is wearing the classic VM baby blue. But then, umm, who is that in her tummy?
She’s not always dressed in blue, either.
And he’s not always fully dressed.
Sweet 6-pack, J-Man.
It just gets weirder from there.
You think Mary and Joseph had it bad having to give birth in a barn? Jesus and his special lady can’t even get a lift!
I know I should find us a hospital (and some shoes), but I got a sermon I need to drop.
Jesus, Mary and Jasmine, their Turkish Angora.
I reached out to the creator. They did not respond. Noting that they had posted their mailing address, I checked Google Streetview. Here’s what came up.
So yeah, it’s pretty much turtles all the way down.
I HAVE FINISHED SEASON 4 OF SEX AND THE CITY. I HAVE THOUGHTS.
Miranda getting pregnant, Samantha having two very serious relationships, Charlotte’s fertility crisis, Big and Carrie as friends—wow did the show come into its own this season.
Miranda walking Charlotte home as Charlotte grieves being unable to have children is just an exceptional moment.
I know some people love Aidan, but rarely does an episode go by that he doesn’t just announce to Carrie, This is what we’re going to do, like he’s the King of the Universe. Good riddance.
I know Gen Z will howl at the idea of Carrie worrying that other AOL users can literally see her when she’s online, but I absolutely remember reacting the same.
Charlotte still feels like she’s on a different show, but her existential desperation is fascinating. Does she eventually murder someone?
The show runs so hot and cold when it comes to race and orientation. It can pivot from DEEP cringe to way ahead of its time in moments. Color me whiplashed.
I will always need more Stanford and Anthony. Promise me they get together.
MOMENT OF WOW
I actually went to a number of AI art generators to see whether Jesus and pregnant lady images were simply a matter of AI not understanding “Jesus and the Virgin Mary.” And it’s true, almost none of them understood the story behind that prompt.
But there was one that seemed to understand that Mary can’t be younger than Jesus, while also giving some serious ‘70s Andy Gibb record cover vibes.
He just wants to be her everything.
I’ll be back later this week with another spiritual experience for subscribers, and maybe also something else… Thanks as always for reading! Have a great week.
These pictures, with the super white Jesus and Mary... It's like that one picture of Jesus shaking hands with the CEO.
WTF!!!!