EPISODE 632: IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU’RE IN NEW YORK AND SOMEONE THROWS A HAMMERHEAD SHARK AT YOU
Aka It's like the internet.
POP CULTURE SPIRIT WOW
Hi. Welcome to Mid-November. It’s suddenly gotten cold here in New York—actually we had a momentary hailstorm, after which it was suddenly fifteen degrees colder. Weather is really something! Every day, a surprise!
So you guys, I guess Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal broke up! I know, it’s super hard and painful for all of us and I just want to start this newsletter by…
Wait, what’s that? It happened a decade ago?
Are you sure? Because she just released this song about them that is so sad and…
A rerelease, really? But everybody is so worked up about it online. Are you absolutely…
Oh you are. Okay.
…
Well I’m not sure what to say now.
How about this?
Get it? Because Kant was getting attacked on Twitter on Friday too?
Maybe you had to be there.
So yeah, the big news of the week is that Taylor Swift rereleased a song she wrote a decade ago about how Jake Gyllenhaal dumped after they’d been dating three months, and the new version is over 10 minutes long. And it has some great lyrics. For instance:
Some actress asking me what happened, you, that's what happened, you
You who charmed my dad with self-effacing jokes
Sipping coffee like you're on a late night show
But then he watched me watch the front door all night, willing you to come
And he said, "It's supposed to be fun turning twenty-one".
Watching the internet lose its mind over the weekend, I found myself thinking about the genre of break up songs. I certainly get why we love them; in their heartbreak we find consolation for our own.
But I was realizing, I have very different reactions to break up songs, depending on who’s singing. When a straight woman sings a song about a bad break up I almost always feel like the problem is the dude was just terrible. But when a straight man sings a break up song it usually seems like the problem is still that the dude is just terrible.
Taylor Swift can sing a revenge song and I’m like, hell yeah, you burn down his house, T. But when I hear a man wish ill of his ex I think, God what is wrong with you, she was never yours, leave her alone.
Is that something about the songs or is it just me?
Just for funsies, an experiment:
Here’s a break up song from John Mayer.
She broke up with him, he sees it as intended to hurt him. And his response isn’t just to move on. He’s going to get “another you”. Because, you know, women are interchangeable.
And the end punchline is now he’s going to do some things she wouldn’t let him do. Which, ew.
Now here’s another T-Swiftie:
Taylor’s guy keeps playing head games with he and so she breaks up with him. And then once it’s over she realizes just how much he’d been messing with her head, that he has this whole pattern of doing that to women and then demonizing them when they call him on it.
For those who aren’t Taylorstans, fun fact: She wrote this about Mayer, who she dated before Gyllenhaal. She even starts the song with a guitar solo that is absolutely Mayer-ian. It’s like she’s saying, hey, your signature? It’s mine now. And yet, I’m 100% Good for you, T. You keep his style forever.
I don’t know if there’s anything to all this or whether it’s just me. I will say, Mayer has another break up song I really like, which does not seem to be an attack on anyone, just a song about loss.
Some of you who follow me online and/or who I have the contact information for are aware that I spent a good part of the week transfixed with this article about the Ivy Getty/Some Dude wedding, which was sort of like What if Oz existed and so of course they had these amazing weddings there, but you were just an Oompah Loompah stuck toiling away at making ####### chocolate for it in some nasty factory run by a predator. (Yes, in this story the universes of Oz and Willy Wonka coexist. Also, Willy Wonka is the Wizard’s son.)
I saw lots of great comments, but the best I heard was the one my sister-in-law made: she felt her very normal American wedding was way better. I think there’s great insight there, about how normal life is better than the life we think we want. I tried to write about it for America.
I also had the pleasure of interviewing U.S. Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL) about his experiences as a Catholic politician who has been denied communion for the last 17 years because of his pro-choice voting record. [Note to Wowsers who are not into Catholic stuff—Gonna jump into some things here. Feel free to skip to the next section.]
The last few months the Pope and the U.S. bishops have been tangling over whether denying people communion is really in keeping with the whole “being a pastor” thing. The Pope has said more than once now that he has never done that and is not a fan of it, because it’s basically using communion as a weapon or bait.
I found Durbin’s depiction of what that’s been like for him to be pretty eye opening. It’s not as simple as “I can’t go to mass in my hometown”; every single place he goes, every funeral or other Catholic religious service he might attend anywhere, he has to be worried about causing a stir just by virtue of his being there. The whole experience of church as a safe space or place in which to pray has been pretty much taken away from him.
Some might try to justify that as just the result of his own decisions, but I don’t know, I seem to remember in Scripture Jesus never turned anyone away from a meal—including Judas at the Last Supper. And it’s certainly not universal church policy to treat politicians (or pro-choice people) like this.
From what I gather my interview has taken some hits for not pushing Durbin harder on how he puts together being a Catholic and pro-choice. Which I can understand.
But I do think he did address aspects of that question in some pretty important ways. First, he points to the priority of one’s conscience in deciding whether one should go up to receive communion. That is, he argues, “Give me some credit for doing the real work of thinking these things through, consulting with theological experts and others about abortion, his own personal responsibility as a legislator, and also what exactly communion is and who should get it.”
That’s doesn’t address why he’s not pro-life, obviously. But it does point to an important truth, which is that it’s possible for a faithful Catholic to argue that after prayer and consultation they’ve concluded that voting pro-choice is not an impediment to their reception of communion. And for those who would say, well, they’re wrong, the fact is, many, many pro-life Catholics have come to the same conclusion, including not only quite a few bishops and theologians but that guy in Rome who always looks so great in white.
The other question Durbin brings up is why is the issue of abortion more important than other life issues. Why aren’t the bishops who believe so strongly in refusing communion as an appropriate way of proceeding also targeting Catholic politicians who have equally problematic stances on other moral issues? Why aren’t they similarly “correcting” anti-vaxxers or anti-maskers, whose positions and votes are also threatening people’s lives?
Again, I think this is an important point. Demanding a pro-choice Catholic explain themselves or not receive communion while not doing the same to others who seem to disregard other issues within the same womb-to-tomb seamless garment of life idea of the Catholic church are ignored begs a lot of questions, and risks the church’s entire pro-life agenda looking like just a front to support one political party over another. Which would undermine the church’s moral authority entirely.
The bishops of the U.S. are meeting this week and it seems like in one way or another this topic is going to come up. Should be interesting…
THREE TWEETS
The most important idea I saw this week.
One tweet for the angel fans:
And one for the Hammerhead Shark fans:
Also, I know nothing about this show, but based on this trailer I will be watching.
If you’re looking for something to read this week, I really enjoyed this interview with historian Yuval Noah Harari about how the stories we accept about society determine what society becomes, and also this piece about secondhand shopping for Christmas.
Also, this may make you think about Sesame Street in a whole new way.
Six weeks to Christmas!
*shrieks*
See you next week.
I didn't know Taylor Swift released a new album. KIDDING! I teach at an all girls' school. I REALLY need to see how to incorporate Taylor Swift into Church history! Best "scary ex" break-up song is "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette, obviously! But, my favorite break-up song has always been the Indigo Girls-"You Left It Up to Me".