EPISODE 517: THE NINTENDO SWITCH IS THE REAL MURDER HORNET
Is it weird that on top of all my other anxiety I have performance anxiety about these subtitles?
POP CULTURE SPIRIT WOW
Hi everybody! Welcome back to 2020, aka The Year That Thought It Was All That. I’m your friend, Jim McDermott, and 2020, no you ain’t. Now go take a knee and think about your choices, you are too extra and it is exhausting.
Let’s start with something way more fun.
THREE TWEETS (Remember Those?): MAY THE FOURTH EDITION
THREAD 1: The Next Star Wars Movies (Click to See)
Thread Proof of Concept:
THIS JUST FEELS WEIRD:
Luke would never tweet that.
THREAD 2: My Life-Changing Rise of Skywalker Theory (Click Away)
I was very proud of my thread, even though some people seemed to take it a little too seriously. Clearly nothing can truly redeem Rise of Skywalker except my ever more impending memory loss. But if anything could, it would be Star Wars: Looper.
Speaking of Star Wars, if you have Disney + and are going slightly crazy and haven’t watched the Clone Wars animated series, you might check it out. There’s a lot of eps (but also some very useful lists of essential eps and the Clone Wars version of a serial killer murder board too). The best 20 or 30 eps — almost all of which center around Anakin’s padawan Ahsoka Tano — constitute the prequel we all were hoping for. And the final four episodes are just impossibly good.
I got in my car for the first time in 7 weeks and took a drive on Friday. You know, just to see what’s going on.
It was a little nerve wracking. No specific reason why exactly beyond the fact that for now 2020 is like the insane villain in a Bond movie before Bond shows up and throws him back into his volcano.
While I was impressed to see just how empty the beaches are, I was also shocked at how much was open – the coffee shop I used to spend hours sitting in, hunkered in a big comfy chair; lots of Starbucks; my local car wash – which at first you think, oh yeah, you stay in your car the whole time so why not.
But then so many people were also stopped and vacuum their cars afterwards, which makes no sense and made me drive away from the area really fast.
Having said that, it is the best car wash. I take everyone who visits Los Angeles through it.
To distract me from anxiety and murder hornets (stupid Bond villain) I decided to make a game of my drive and see if I could discover five things as I drove that I had never noticed before. It was kind of great. Like, there’s this parking spot I often use in one part of town right next to an electrical box. Turns out that box has flowers painted on it. Completely new information.
Or there’s this little side street that cuts away from the main thoroughfare pretty close to my house. It’s just a half block long, and I’m not really sure why it’s there but somehow it seemed adorable. I’m actually looking forward to taking a drive again just to take that turn and see where it leads.
It’s the little things.
ATTENTION: I DON’T KNOW WHAT ANIMAL CROSSING IS BUT IT IS EVERYWHERE AND I AM STARTING TO FEEL LEFT OUT
That is all.
SINCE WHEN DID WE ALL GET NINTENDO SWITCHES ANYWAY?
I crossed paths with someone from my community last week, and noticed they gave me a very wide birth. Like, beyond safe into YIKES territory.
And then I was realizing that’s happened a number of times lately. So then I was thinking, did I do something? I don’t know what it could be; I haven’t seen almost anyone in 8 weeks. Is it that?
Then the other day it struck me that for a mask I continue to wear an Australian rules football scarf wound round my head. We were all given classic light blue medical masks to wear, but they remind me of hospitals and sickness and I start hyperventilating and so I have found other options but I guess they may seem a bit I have a gun in my backpack.
Even so, when I realized this might be freaking my community members out it actually made me start laughing and now everything is better. For me, I mean. I’m still wearing my scarf.
I’m going to buy some new masks I think.
And maybe a Nintendo Switch.
Actually if I’m being honest I think I probably pictured myself kind of like I am.
I continue to stay mostly disconnected from the news. My phone conversations about Los Angeles, etc. go mostly like this:
Them: Hey! I heard THIS about Los Angeles, Etc. right now!
Me: Really?! Wow.
I’m also pretty sure I’m not reading my newsletters, articles or podcasts basically because I don’t want to know what they may feel like it is important for them to tell me without knowing what that is and whether I want to hear it in advance.
I wonder, in the long run, will I regret being this disconnected, not knowing all the twists and turns or being able to describe what Dr. Fauci sounds like?
(Yes, I have never heard him speak. And I only know how to say his name because of Saturday Night Live.)
Maybe I will. But I think what’s more important for all of us is to use this time to give our souls whatever nourishment they need and to ignore everything else that we can.
I guess I’m sort of thinking of that part of me like an infant. All it can eat right now is Gerber’s, sorry, the steaks and bourbon will have to wait.
I am keeping some of those more current eventsy newsletters in a file to read later after the laser on the moon doesn’t succeed in blowing up the sun and the murder hornets get destroyed by the snow cyclones. Steak and bourbon is still delicious. Just not now.
So if you were going to list the things that are absolutely sold out right now, what would be on that list?
Hand sanitizer: Of course. Although according to Amazon we seem to have crested that insane wave and now there is sanitizer to be had.
Toilet paper: Same.
Microwavable food items: Sure. Mm hmm.
My love for you? Don’t be silly, that is inexhaustible.
But you know what’s so sold out that Amazon doesn’t even list a day when they will be available?
Nintendo Switches.
It’s fine. I didn’t really want one anyway. I see animals crossing things all the time and it’s better anyway because rather than trying to control them, like a monster, I get to just let them be free.
WHATEVER, REPRESENTATIVE ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ. I DIDN’T WANT TO MEET YOU IN A GLORIOUSLY WELL REALIZED ANIMATED WORLD ANYWAY.
Yesterday I finished the complete run of Inspector Morse episodes. Currently debating whether I’m going to hop to the Inspector Lewis sequel. Believe it or not I may just start Morse over again.
Part of me thinks I must be going crazy, but then I find myself thinking Please Don’t Take My Sunshine Away. In this analogy, Morse is the sunshine.
I will report back on this very important situation. Please stay tuned.
LINKS: Three Things You Could Do This Week That You May Find Good For You
Watch this amazing video from current and former Alvin Ailey dancers. To me it is like watching an incredible group of women blessing our world.
By the way, Happy Mother’s Day, everybody!
Watch The Empire Strikes Back. The 40th anniversary is May 21st. The Writers’ Guild is having an online event with Lawrence Kasdan this week and I didn’t get a ticket and that’s fine I was pretty busy anyway seeing if Best Buy has Nintendo Switches. PS They do not, because Nintendo Switches are stupid.
Don’t look at me that way. That’s literally what the Best Buy website says. Go look. The Geek Squad has spoken.
Look at these wonderful drawings by NYC artists depicting the world outside their window.
AND THEN, if you’re up for it, draw a picture of the world outside your window and email it to me. If I get some I’ll post them in the next episode. I will do one too. Wouldn’t it be cool to share that with each other?
We can’t control everything going on. But we can decide to treat ourselves and one another in the midst of it all with gentleness and love.
This week, give yourself permission to do that, and more than you think you need. Do it every day.
See you next week, by which point I will have cut my own hair for the first time using only scissors and a beard trimmer. Should be interesting.