EPISODE 447: OFFICIAL MEMBER OF PRINCESS AMIDALA'S ORANGE HOODIE BODY DOUBLE DANCE SQUAD

What if the Prequels Are Only Mostly Bad; E.T. Phone Xfinity; Batman Takes Hits

Dec 02, 2019

POP CULTURE SPIRIT WOW

So today I had two Masses and also wrote an article and now my brain is absolute mush, for which I am sorry. I’m pushing through, but if at some point you wonder what I am talking about it’s definitely not you.

WHAT IF GEORGE LUCAS ACTUALLY DID BETTER THAN WE THOUGHT?

Last week my friend Grant, who I’ve had on the newsletter before, spent an hour trying to convince me that I have the Star Wars prequels all wrong, there is a lot of really interesting stuff there. He went so far as to say there is more to them than there is in the new trilogy.

I know.

I KNOW.

Whoa, Chewie. WHOA.

So as I began my rewatch ritual in preparation for The Rise of Skywalker (18 Days, people), instead of starting with the original trilogy, I decided I would go from the chronological beginning. The worst one of all. Episode I.

And you know…I was surprised how much less I disliked the prequels this time. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t have the good episodes having already formed my palate – would Doritos taste better if you have never eaten food before? Or bark? Or dirt?

(If I could time travel it’s very possible that literally the only thing I would do is erase Doritos, Cheetos and Fritos from existence, and then destroy every blueprint for the time machine so that no one else could fix that. )

They’re still terrible – both the prequels and Doritos. In fact Clones’ “courtship” of Padme by Anakin only gets more awful the more time passes. (He simply will not take a no, he is a full on creepy starer and sometimes he is also touching her. It is just wrong.) And every other problem you remember is still very very present.

But still…there is some interesting stuff there.

Put very briefly, just one-ish item per prequel:

I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M SAYING THIS, BUT HOW THE PREQUELS ARE KIND OF AWESOME

The Phantom Menace: Live Together.

There’s a theme that keeps coming back throughout Menace: we only survive if we help each other. The Naboo and Gungans overcome the Trade Federation (ugh) only because they look past old history and start working together; Qui-Gon Jinn and his Homies can only get off Tatooine because two complete strangers are willing to help them; when Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan they’re so good they’re boring, but when Q gets separated from Obi he gets a pretty large hole in his chest; and it turns out at both a biological and spiritual level, we all live and connect to the Force because of tiny microscopic creatures living inside us whose name shall not be mentioned because again, ugh.

It’s not a revolutionary idea by any means. But on the other hand, isn’t it exactly the issue we’re dealing with around the world today? Everyone is 100% “Me First” and everything is falling apart. I don’t know who the Sith Lord is but he is definitely good at his job.

(Can I also say, Menace deserves more credit for the Amidala body doubles. When was the last time you saw a movie even try to roll out body doubles, let alone mostly pull it off? Seriously, I want my own just so I can run around town with my Padmé orange hoodie squad.)

Attack of the Clones: It’s Geonosis, Jake.

For all its flaws there’s always been a bunch of things I like about Clones. Obi-Wan is a classic Star Wars protagonist, combining the Zen trust of the best Jedi with the “Oh hell, how do I get out of this” of Han Solo. (No one does shocked improvising action hero like Harrison Ford.)

From the very beginning Obi-Wan leaps before he looks, and while he always does win out it’s almost always messy too. He never has it all together. This is something I can very much relate to.

But also, if you excise the cancer that is the Ani loves Ami storyline, what you’re left with is a Star Wars version of Chinatown. We start with a noir mystery: someone’s trying to kill Padmé. And the more Obi-Wan investigates the bigger and more complicated everything becomes until it erupts into this insane political situation that is a disaster for everyone involved.

Revenge of the Sith: Release Your Anger.

Let’s be clear: this is start to finish the best of the prequels. It has a twisty plot, some great action sequences and absolutely jaw-dropping scenes between Palpatine’s Ian McDiarmid and Anakin’s Hayden Christiansen. The way McDiarmid slides back and forth between gentle father figure and malicious tempter is astonishing. And his full on Sith Lord is like nothing we’ve seen before or since, crazed, animalistic, kind of possessed. After two movies having to be mostly a cheery political operator drone, finally he gets a lot to do here and he just devours it.

(Also, bravo to Lucas and company for having the hutzpah to let the scenes between Anakin and Palpatine go so long and quiet at times. They are unique to the saga and absolutely magnetic.)

But the particular thing that leapt out at me this time was Palpatine talking about Anakin’s anger. It occurs in the same scene he reveals that he’s the Sith Lord they’ve been looking for; here’s the clip.

Palpatine is clearly getting turned on by Anakin’s rage; he wants Anakin to cut loose. It’s the same thing he and Vader keep saying to Luke. Let your anger flow. And that’s never made sense to me. Why would you ask someone you want on your side to uncork and attack you?

But the thing is, Anakin has all these feelings he doesn’t think he’s allowed to feel. Love. Sorrow. Grief. Anger. He’s literally a cauldron of emotions, and at the same time he’s in this order where he’s constantly being told these are bad things that have to be avoided. It’s not right, and Padmé tells him as much in Clones: “To be angry is to be human”.

When Palpatine tries to get Anakin to respond in anger, what he’s really doing is giving Anakin permission to let out all this stuff that’s he’s been told is wrong. Of course that’s going to be attractive; that stuff is not meant to be pent up in the first place.

It makes you wonder, what if the whole Jedi idea of “the Dark Side” is itself a flawed interpretation of reality. In psychological terms the shadow side is not evil; it’s the part of ourselves that we’re afraid to face, and absolutely have to. It’s Rey in the mirror chamber realizing she’s not from some fairy tale family; it’s Luke in the tree realizing he has the capacity to become like Vader. In the moment that realization seems like a nightmare, everyone’s worst fears come true. But in accepting that truth about himself Luke gains the capacity to empathize with Vader, to see him as a human being when his very closest friends absolutely cannot. It’s precisely in facing his shadow side that Luke is able to see the way to do the thing that will end up saving everyone.

Oh God is any of this making any sense? Am I actually typing or just dreaming of typing? Have I revealed my true nature as a Sith? I better quit before I make it worse…

THREE TWEETS

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