EPISODE 409: Frickin' Doug

Spending two minutes twice a day brushing my teeth no longer seems like such a big deal.

POP CULTURE SPIRIT WOW

Funny story: I had all the time in the world this week because, you know, stuff…

(…I literally can’t bear to say or read that word any more; you know the word I am talking about, it’s all you’ve been hearing and it usually comes alongside a not-at-all terrifying picture of a microorganism blown up a billion times until it looks like a puffer fish, but floating in the air, which is again not at all scary to think about.

If you don’t mind, I think I’m just going to refer to that thing we’re all thinking and hearing about as Doug.)

So yeah, Doug was really starting to freak me out this week, so I had a lot of time at home, mostly avoiding him. (Sorry Doug, but you are just the worst.) 

Usually that would mean that I catch up on some of my favorite newsletters, like Anne Helen Petersen, Ann Friedman or Laura Olin (the three of whom provide many of the articles and videos I suggest here) or Sean Bonner (who finds all the best memes, like the one above; Ann Friedman posted the party-line one below) or even my spiritual newsletter guide/voice in the darkness Warren Ellis. There was no thought behind me not catching up with them; I was just distracted. (Frickin’ Doug.)

Then today I checked in and realized the actual reason that I had not been reading was because there really are angels in heaven and when they were taking a break from square dancing on the heads of pins they were trying to save me from throwing additional gas on the fires of my own Douglas-related fever dreams. Some of what I read was really helpful; AHP this week is on point. But the cumulative effect is like finally getting the answer to the question, I wonder what that guy in the Munch painting The Scream would actually sound like if there was volume?

And here I thought he sounded like this:

I don’t want to add to your own concerns. I hope we can just agree, Doug seems to be a real nightmare of a person and the best thing you can do when you’re dealing with someone like that is to do everything you can to avoid them.

Personally I’ve decided that means as close to no personal contact with other people as I can manage for the next few weeks. That is not easy when you live with 30 other people in a religious community whose general rule of life is precisely not to hide out but to be present every day.

But that’s what I’m going for. As best I can I’m just going to sit here in my room and look out on the beautiful world we live in and try to keep busy and well.

However you choose to spend these next few weeks, I hope the same for you.

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Of course the big question is, What do you do when you’re trapped in your house/apartment/bedroom in a two week self-enforced snow day? I have seen a lot of great suggestions. Let me add a couple of my own.

1)    Have a Block Party: I know, that sounds like the last thing any of us should do right now. But then I saw this video of people trapped in their homes in Siena singing out their windows together. Seriously, check it out:

Now, if you’re on a city street in an apartment building, and you can sing like Italians, who apparently all have the voice of angels (MY GOD), you could do that.

But another thing you could do whether you live in an apartment building fronting other apartments or you have a house in a neighborhood is to have a massive dance party. Each house takes turns DJing; they put their stereo out the window and blasts the tunes. And everyone else gets in front of their front window or door and freaking grooves.

It’s great for occupying (aka exhausting) little ones, it requires no talent, and think of the stories you’ll have at the next actual block party when you all realize old Mr. Simonds has MOVES.

2)    Watch Nature Videos: I stumbled upon this two minute video from the BBC last week and within seconds it completely drew me in.

Basically, animals are cool, the planet is gorgeous, and pretty much any series with the word “Planet” in it and a British narrator is amazing and distracting and beautiful.

3)   Get Some Cultuh: Every day this week (and it sounds like the weeks to come) The Metropolitan Opera in New York is going to present a different opera, for free, on its website and app. They’re each going to start at 7:30pm EST, and they’ll be available for one day.

Have you ever been to the opera? The Met performances are often amazing, and they’re starting with some really great, emotional stories: Carmen on Monday, La Boheme on Tuesday; Il Trovatore on Wednesday; La Traviata on Thursday.

Then the weekend is La Fille du Régiment on Friday; Lucia di Lammermoor on Saturday; and Eugene Onegin on Sunday.

I really can’t recommend this enough. You might think subtitles, opera music, I can’t get into that. But I’m telling you, if you give it a chance some of these stories will really get to you.

(Suddenly realizing I’m talking to you like you need convincing, and also that I wrote that last paragraph for my father. )

I also love that they’re dropping at the same time each night, so we can all watch together. The social media conversations are going to be so much fun.  

4)   Read Something About Something You Have Never Considered: Have you ever looked into where bean bags chair came from? Wondered what ants can see? Or asked yourself why it is that the Dolly Parton/Whitney Houston song I Will Always Love You is so amazing?

We take Google for granted, but it is basically a neverending font of amazing stories. Here’s one I can’t wait to read tomorrow: What is glitter?

5)   Finally Start that Hobby You Have Been Driving us All Crazy Talking About: Now is definitely the time to start working your way through that Indian dishes cookbook. Or to start learning French. Or to learn how to draw.

And, if I may be so bold, why not share what you do with the world? Wouldn’t it be great if our social media feeds were filled with photos and videos of people doing something they love?

I am absolutely going to be posting my drawings every day on Twitter. See them there first, before their long term engagement at the Museum of Modern Art (the McDermott Closet Off-Site).

(Btw, I’m using cartoonist Katie Cook’s book Drawing Cute as my guide. I’ve mentioned her work here before; unlike me she is brilliant.)

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There’s a million other things I could suggest—what to watch, what to read, what streaming services to get (loving the suggestion of getting Acorn, which is basically British and Australian TV), but I feel like everyone else is already doing that.

For example:

I would say, I wish I could get you all to consider reading some absolutely gorgeous and surprising comic books.

I’m not talking super heroes here, although if you want super heroes, oh I can point you to the best super heroes.

I mean Saga, a gorgeous Romeo and Juliet story set in outer space and told from the point of view of their daughter.

Or Descender, the story of a little robot boy who wakes up after many years to discover all the other robots turned on the humans and were destroyed, and goes in search of the human boy Andy who had been his best friend.

Or Bitch Planet, the fierce and incredibly prescient story of a dystopia in which women who will not just do what men say are sent to a prison planet.

I won’t push. I just want to say, no matter who you are or what you like, I swear there’s a comic for you, one that will really speak to you.

(At some point along the way my vocation seems to have become to get people to read comic books. Definitely not the trajectory I expected, but I think 10 year old me would be very pleased.)

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I’ve got just one other thing for you. It’s a little experiment I’m going to try for a week.

Every weekday for the next week, I’m going to send you a suggestion, something super simple that you can do that might help you feel more connected to God, the world around you or just the movements within yourself.

These posts are going to be super short. Nothing like the rambling shambles I put you through here. There will be no talk of Doug or disasters of any kind. There’ll just be a simple prompt, and you can do with it what you will.

If it seems like something worthwhile I’ll keep doing it, maybe in its own newsletter. And if it’s not of interest, no worries. I just thought some of you might find something a little more spiritual and centering helpful right now.

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Here’s the first one:

Sit in a quiet, comfortable place with your phone off. Close your eyes.

For five minutes just take deep breaths. As best you can, go slow and savor each one.

Look after yourself this week. Do what you need to keep your body, your imagination and your spirits nourished. And if you can try to look out for someone else too.

Right here with you.