EPISODE 243: BILLIONS OF BEAUTIFUL HEARTS
POP CULTURE SPIRIT WOW
Somewhere in America as you read this there are people running around major department stores intent on obtaining things either for themselves or others. And I mean a lot of people. All the peoples.
And some of them are just going with the flow. But others are getting swept up in the craziness of the group.
French philosopher René Girard used to write about exactly this phenomenon, which he called “mimesis”. Basically, he said, part of human nature is an unconscious mirroring of those around us. So if people around us get agitated, we’re more likely to. (See: Internets.)
But also, if we see someone want something, we have a tendency to suddenly want it, too. So for instance, have you ever been in a store and only noticed something after you saw someone else was looking at it? Or you see the thing you want and head that way, and suddenly before you can get there someone else has grabbed it? (I feel like this is the definition of a Black Friday experience.) That’s not an accident, Girard would say. That’s mimesis.
Pay attention the next time you go shopping. You’ll see that it’s really true. Our interest in something makes others interested in it, even if they don’t really want it.
And that, in turn, says Girard, creates conflict and social instability. Which leads to riots among people who are generally really fine over the last pair of beige gloves on Black Friday.
(Girard’s theory actually goes a lot further, looking at how instability at a society level leads to the picking of scapegoats which are then executed in one way or another to try and restore a sense of peace. Every society, he argues, is built and maintained on a foundation of victims, which are then usually justified in some religious, “God is cool with this” way.
And Jesus is the one who showed that practice for what it really is, his undeniable innocence undermining all our justifications for killing our “goats”.
If you’re interested, check out his The Scapegoat. It really blew my mind.)
My aunts have done Black Friday every year for as long as I’ve been alive. They’ve taken my cousins and my sisters and others and they really seem to enjoy it. Maybe for them it’s like me getting up early to wait in line for rush tickets to a Broadway show. Yes my butt may get cold and when I stand up my sleeping leg will hang from my waist like a heavy slab of meat, but I am going to see Come From Away for twenty dollars and so the ice butt and the not walking right is worth it.
But then again, Black Friday shopping is more like choosing to be numb and limping so that then you can be freaked out and frustrated. Can’t there be a better way?
Ten Ideas that Might Make You Happier on Black Friday Weekend
1. Really really try not to go shopping. When the impulse seizes you, ask yourself, why does it have to be today, or this weekend? Won’t someone have that thing you want to buy next week? Or something just like it?
2. If you must go out, stay away from places that might be playing Christmas music. It’s nice at first, but (Christmas Music + Crowds) x Time = Level of Insanity.
Addendum: If you should hear an a capella Christmas song, drop everything and run, child. Run like hell.
No, Pentatonix. Just, no.
3. We get so few three and four day weekends. And this one comes right after all the stress and craziness of Thanksgiving dinner. So why not take some time and do something easy just for you? Like sit in that comfy chair that you never get enough time to enjoy and read the newspaper cover to cover. Or sip a great cup of tea while you listen to P!nk sing about love. (We are billions of beautiful hearts, y’all.)
4. Our minds have been so bombarded with rage and chaos for the last year, whether we know it or not we are each starved for a sense of goodness and blessing in our lives. So maybe take a long walk and let your mind daydream through the people and moments and things that have been good to you this year.
5. I have this feeling you’re still thinking about going shopping. Maybe that’s a good decision. But it’s worth noting, we’re talking about a “holiday” that even those promoting it for gain refer to as “black”. And not “black” as in “beautiful” but “black” as in “like staring into an abyss”. As my uncle used to cackle while he slapped my face with my hand, “Why are you hitting yourself?” Maybe go get a milkshake.
6. You know all those photos you take on vacation and never look at again? Or the kids’ baby pictures (and by “baby” we mean “any time before yesterday”)? Why not take an hour and finally enjoy some of them?
7. I realize we seem to have evolved to this place where talking on the phone feels like being locked in a small cage and forced to wear “Three’s Company” reruns (the Mr. Furley ones).
I am so Team Roper.
But what about calling an old friend? Catching up with someone with no purpose in mind, no driving need, just “hey”.
8. As you throw all these ideas out the window and step into your car to spend five hours in line at the mall, just a question: in six months is that thing you’re focused on right now even going to be important to you (or whoever you’re buying it for)? If not, maybe stay home?
9. Or what about trying the methadone version of Black Friday shopping—spend a couple hours online? That way, you can stay in your unicorn onesie pajamas, take breaks whenever you want, have that glass of red (or two) and let the soothing tones of Ira Glass talking about America keep you grounded.
(This morning my 17 year old niece showed up in a unicorn onesie at my parents’ house, and complained that her mother had forced her to wear a jacket to cover her tail. Sometimes I feel so old.)
10. Rewatch The Crown before the new season drops next week. I am so not a “royals” person but oh my God that show was amazing.
BONUS: It's 21 days until The Last Jedi. Have you prepared?
I had a lot else for you, including a fantastic interview with a friend who works in admissions (on top of everything else it’s college admissions season!). But sitting here after a big dinner and all the craziness that is right now I thought less might be more.
Look after yourself. Take it gently.