2016 Election Special
POP CULTURE SPIRIT WOW
I once met a Jesuit who had gone to Marquette at roughly the same time as SNL legend Chris Farley. He didn’t know Chris himself, but they had friends in common who told a million hilarious stories of Chris’ adventures on campus.
One in particular has been coming to mind the last few days. Apparently one night Chris and his roommates really tied one on. Then after Chris went to bed, his roommates not only drew all over him but rubbed leftover pizza and other food all over him. (Ah, with friends like those...)
The next morning when Chris got up everyone was already up and waiting for him in their living room, anticipating his reaction. But Chris did not say anything. Instead he poured himself a bowl of cereal and sat down with them, like nothing was out of the ordinary.
Before too long his roommates started to get irritated, not only because he was not giving them what they wanted, but because he was still covered in all that food. He stank of it. It was dripping off of him. He was disgusting.
So eventually someone told him he needed to get up and take a shower, immediately. And he just looked at them and smiled.
“Oh no,” he said. “You made me. You live with me.”
I don’t know who will get elected today, but it sure does seem like our process the last two years has been every bit as gross and bizarre as college buddies wiping leftover pizza all over a passed-out friend.
Let's hope whatever we’ve made, we can figure out a way to live with it.
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Election Day Drinking Games That Will Likely Kill You
Drink every time...
1. ...a TV pundit uses the phrase "too close to call".
2. ...Donald Trump calls something or someone "huge", "great", "the greatest" or "the worst".
3. ...Hillary Clinton refers to her granddaughter.
4. ...Trump attacks Clinton on Twitter.
5. ...pundits mention Clinton's emails, Russian hackers, Paul Ryan, Nate Silver, white nationalists or the possibility of civil insurrection.
6. ...someone online comments on the size of Donald Trump's hands.
7. ...pundits discuss what Bill Clinton will be called if Hillary Clinton wins.
8. ...pundits run clips of recent Saturday Night Live sketches.
9. ...pundits refer to tweets from ordinary people as though they indicate something substantial about the way things are trending.
10. ...pundits debate the merits of the electoral college.
11. ...a TV network's graphic display makes an unnecessary sound effect (drink twice if the sound effect is a "whoosh").
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Five Amazing Political TV Show Clips to Wash Away the Horror
1. C.J. Gregg fights for the safety of Middle Eastern women.
2. Leslie Knope addresses all the dumb questions people ask female candidates.
3. Will McAvoy tells it like it is in that opening scene from The Newsroom that you've already seen a hundred times and yet still watch over and over.
4. Toby Ziegler arranges a funeral for a homeless vet. (Have hankies ready.)
5. Patton Oswald uses a political filibuster to deliver a straight-up-brilliant 8 minute pitch for the next Star Wars that makes you wish there were more filibusters and they were all written by Patton Oswalt.
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Playlist for the End of an Endless Election (aka the 90s meets the Queen)
1. Little Bird – Annie Lennox
2. Closer to Fine – Indigo Girls
3. Jump Around – House of Pain
4. Formation – Beyoncé
5. Forward -- Beyoncé (feat. James Blake)
6. Rise Up -- Andra Day
7. They Just Keep Moving the Line – Megan Hilty
8. His Eye is on the Sparrow – Lauryn Hill and Tanya Blount
9. Put It There – Paul McCartney
10. Sun Comes Up -- John Legend
11. At Last - Beyoncé
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ONE.
MORE.
DAY.
(HOPEFULLY.)
I'll be back next week.